What the hell is wrong with me?

[CapgunChuck]

I don't see it as 'violence', Ali, I see it as symbolic sexual movements and reactions...

Sandi

Nice post, Sandi. That's how I see it.

CC

[ali_cdb]

Thanx guys, so it seems like there're many different reasons one would enjoy death in a sexual manner

[Sandi]

Yes, Ali, but most importantly, there is NOTHING wrong with any of them! Nothing! And nothing unusual about any of them.

13 years ago, when I arrived online, the 'fantasy' community was tiny, probably in the hundreds only who were active at the original Fatal Females site.

Nearly every single one of us, Ali, were amazed. We all thought we were 'alone', that we were the only one having these titillations...or fantasies. It was SUCH a thrill, for each and every one of us, to find that we were not alone!

And now, the larger fantasy sites number in the thousands of members and viewers. I believe we have about 1500 or more now, I guess, at this site. There are nearly ten THOUSAND, Ali, at another site similar to FF. 10,000!

So you can sleep comfortably tonight. there is nothing wrong with you, just because you have these things that stimulate you or excite you sexually. You are merely one of the many who have discovered that at least there are SOME in addition to you. And we come from every country, every ethnicity, every religion, every economic or social group, every age, and each sex, on this planet.

Welcome to the world of FREEDOM, Ali....freedom from those hang-ups almost ALL of us with these fantasies USED to have.

Until we discovered we were quite normal.

Some enjoy other types of fantasies...maid outfits, schoolgirl outfits, whatever. Are they any different than 'our' fantasies? Not really, just the ways those minds internalized stimuli that turned them on.

Welcome to Normalcy, Ali....lol.

Sandi

[Dalila di Capri]

What the hell is wrong with you?

I suppose that the same could be said of me...or perhaps not.

Perhaps there isn't anything wrong with you at all.

Perhpas there is more to life in terms of being a good and decent person than having vanilla sexual tastes. Perhaps it is possible to be sexually frigid and a monster at the same time.

And just perhaps it is possible to be a wonderful productive honest decent helpful individual who at the same time has a few "dark" sexual fantasies that don't hurt anyone else.

Just perhaps.


Recently a very high profile producer retired becaus eof his religious convictions, and i have no problem with his decision if that is what he chose to do.

By the same token when I use my God given vocal talent to honor God by singing sacred music at a church I know that I am honoring God and bringing comfort to many people sitting and listening to me sing.

Some of them have come to me and said:

"you have the vocie of an angel"

Well it is God's talent and I am just borrowing it while I am here. So perhaps it is an angel's voice and I am just its temporary host...I really can't be sure but I am humbled when people say such things.

I...the same person who many of you enjoy seeing die for you...am not any different in a church service such as that. This is simply another side to my personality. I am no hypocrit for honoring God is a place dedicated to that purpose.

I love God just as much as any preacher or gaggle or liturgy committee women.

If God believes that there is something wrong with me He will let me know.

Baci

[Sandi]

Dalila,

Excellent post, thanks! I'm with you on all of it.

Other than the singing part, that is. In my case, there is an extremely severe case of 'no talent to sing'. Even my God covers its ears, I'm sure, when I sing hymns, because I LOVE to sing and sing loudly when a hymn calls for it (or softly, depending on the hymn). I attend a very small, 100+ year old country church, and when they asked me to join the Choir, I replied, "If you seek someone to be faithful and sing every week and sing with a passion that God places in my heart, great. If you want that singing to be 'in tune', find somebody else'.

I've never spoken more accurate words in my life.....LOL!!!

And, yes, I joined the Choir. God hasn't come down on me yet, so I guess God doesn't mind. But I make a MAJOR point of placing myself next to Jerry....every Church Choir has a Jerry. He's our Dalila, the one with true talent, professional talent that he utilizes elsewhere also in Praise concerts. I figure if I'm next to him, no one will ever hear my off-key but passionate renditions!

If I have 'the voice of an Angel', I'm not at all sure about this 'Heaven' part for eternity, unless we have no ears 'up there'. I'd drive even ME out of heaven!

But your final line is also quite beautiful, because that's the problem with HAVING a God. One is forced to follow certain 'rules', because that God WILL tell us every darn time we are 'wrong', yes. It would be so much easier not to have a God, to just do what I wished to do, an not have any moral compass at all!.....lol.

And you know that I am not being sacreligious, just humorous.

Sandi

[tOkie]

Because it's (3 letters, even Sandi can comprehend)

f
u
n



Enjoy what life offers you, we may never pass this way, again.



Jeffrey

[hucklebury]

Hey friend, I only enjoy violence as a sexual act. Never enjoy or even tolerate violence as a violent act. No interest in that. Don't feel so bad!